I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
