dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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