fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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