I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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