I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
