we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
