She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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