I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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