How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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