Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize