You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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