Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
