dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
