Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
