just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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