you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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