I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
