I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
