Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
