First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
