Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
