Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
