So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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