We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've blown a few things in my day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
