Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
