people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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