If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
