I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
