Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
