operation have a gay friend backfired
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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