drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.