Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.

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  (913): I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me. http://tfl.nu/mpf5
  Replies (5) Good night (1112) Bad night (1922)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Chicken burrito, or no deal.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Is that code for my vagina?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito

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  (402): Chicken burrito, or no deal. (1-402): Is that code for my vagina? (402): Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito http://tfl.nu/ldfv
  Replies (30) Good night (4413) Bad night (1120)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it

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  (863): sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it http://tfl.nu/fu71
  Replies (43) Good night (4617) Bad night (843)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad

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  (303): You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad http://tfl.nu/1udj
  Replies (13) Good night (1943) Bad night (5055)
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  (805): View more from California

  i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila

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  (805): i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila http://tfl.nu/c3w5
  Replies (17) Good night (3851) Bad night (1347)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

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  (210): I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours. http://tfl.nu/n5xc
  Replies (4) Good night (4173) Bad night (1413)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.

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  (717): She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/4m88
  Replies (7) Good night (2724) Bad night (981)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan

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  (203): Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan http://tfl.nu/spkf
  Replies (9) Good night (2326) Bad night (936)
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  (315): View more from New York

  how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.

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  (315): how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested. http://tfl.nu/auq3
  Replies (2) Good night (796) Bad night (958)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.

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  (425): It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night. http://tfl.nu/z2ri
  Replies (3) Good night (1129) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.

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  (708): Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid (1-708): I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for. http://tfl.nu/mlt7
  Replies (1) Good night (589) Bad night (325)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.

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  (306): I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS. http://tfl.nu/r076
  Replies (3) Good night (681) Bad night (353)
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  (562): View more from California

  Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.

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  (562): Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me. http://tfl.nu/wmlt
  Replies (8) Good night (434) Bad night (735)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.

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  (330): That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole. http://tfl.nu/us0b
  Replies (3) Good night (280) Bad night (627)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me

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  (484): I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me http://tfl.nu/64jw
  Replies (4) Good night (464) Bad night (216)

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