i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids