Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
