She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.