Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me