How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"