Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?

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(250): View more from British Columbia

i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now

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(561): View more from Florida

definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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(434): View more from Virginia

do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.

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(360): View more from Washington

i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"

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