The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.