Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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