so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
