I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
