His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
