I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You are the jesus of drinking
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
