if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
