I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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