shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You are a booty call, not a friend.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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