apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I want a musical about memes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
