Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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