What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
