Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize