apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
