People with herpes should wear stickers.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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