Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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