capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
