I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
third nipple confirmed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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