Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk is a universal language darling
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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