Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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