I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
