If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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