Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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