I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
