imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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