from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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