He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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