Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
