i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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