ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
