yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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