is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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