so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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