Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
