Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
