Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
