I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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