god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
