Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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