her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
