Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
