he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
