I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
