therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
too bad you live with your parents still
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
