sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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