You smell like stripper and shame
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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