so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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